Thursday, February 26, 2015

she's always

the cold
is so sudden.
the rain is
coming through
the open
door.
the sudden cold.
her ey
es are black.
the wind rips aw
ay. the sky is dark.
the clouds cast.
her shadow is a frame
along the hallway
but she is
not
there.
i hear
her death
like dry twigs
crushed.
i smell her breath
like
angel whispers
through refuse.
she is there
at the door.
her fingers thread through
the cut
on her arm.
the blo
od is
ink.
her fingers are gray.
she crackles when she speaks.
she never s
peaks.
lightning rapes her silhouette.
dark
ey
es
look through me and past
my
         soul
into what i'
ve never been.
her fingers lace
through the wound
on her arm.
fingers pull at her tongue
from inside her mouth.
she never s
peaks.
she is nowhere now
and never was.
                 she taps
                                  my name
                                                     on the glass
                 in blood.
in blood
                          in blood.
          in her blood
or mine.
                      in my blood.
  i see tired faces in the dark.
i see torn skin.
            i see.
            i'm alone,
but she'
s
laughing to me.
    i hear her laughing
inside
        of
          me.
inside of me. inside of me. in my blood.

she's under

she'
s under
the stairs
where we keep
the mat
ches.
her hair
is sl
ick against
her f
ace
and it'
s dripping wet like
raining waste.
she has scars. she'
s watching everything i do.
she'
s watching intensely.
i'
ve turned the lights down.
there is only one bulb
burning in the hallway
and the light hard
ly touches the pantry
beneath the st
airs.
i'm knelt down
in front of her.
her ey
es are large.
so large. she hisses.
the sound is unusual
and familiar.
she'
s cut herself on a nail
protruding from a stud
beneath the st
airs. she likes it.
she's laughing
as she sta
res at me.
her ey
es are cold and filled in black,
bloodshot.

it'
s raining.

i can hear
the clock
over my heart.

she'
s staring at me.
she'
s laughing to me.
the front
door is open.
thunder rat
tles a long way off
and the clouds crest past
the dark sky. i can see her
footprints on the porch.
i look back
under the st
airs.
she'
s gone.
i hear her
laughing somewhere
in the house.
there are small drops
of bl
ood.
and i can taste
her smell.

she's in

dark  time  .

caustic thirty:

she'
s at the win
dow again.
she'
s wearing skin
and her ha
ir is whi
te.
bel
ow her
the window sill
is wet.
her ey
es are blood
seeping gray
like the clouds
pa
st
her
      head.
she scrat
ches the glass
and licks it.
her tongue is blue.
she wants
in. she wants.
so fast she'
s gone
and there'
s
a trail of spit
where she opened
her mouth for me. she'
s laughing and the glass
is chipped. she'
s laughing agian
and her skin is too larg
e. the hair on her head
as she flashes by the wind
ow is slick like oil
and she'
s laughing.
she wants in. she
wants.
i can tas
te
how she smells.
she tas
tes like iron.
she'
s
dead. she'
s beyond death.
she want'
s
me
to come with her.
i'
ve never felt
so alive.
she'
s inside
standing in fron
t of the wind
ow.
she'
s laughing.
she'
s in.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

when you call

the lies we told never brought us any closer
but i'd like to say
we tried
and someday
when i'm
no more than
a memory
i'd like to think
you'll remember me
fondly.
the lies we told never brought us any closer
but i'd like to say
it was better love
than most
ever know.
just because you
didn't show
doesn't mean
you didn't know
what it was like
inside of me
when i held my breath
and watched the clouds
fade away
over head
like a trying night that
never seems to end.
the lies we told never brought us any closer
though i'd like to believe
no one was ever
able to get as high
as we did.
don't worry about being
alone
i'm there
and i'm smiling
back.
if we're lucky
maybe we'll get one more
time around
before it's all come to an end.
until then
i hope you remember
fondly
when you smile away
my name.

the shrine of humanity

there is
another way,
and it is
governed by
not paying heed
to obsolete religions
that ask us to hate
and to kill
and to glorify
jealous gods
through bigotry
and vice
and acts of violence
against those
who may disagree
with us.

if your testaments
mention a murdering god,
a divine, perfect creator
that tricks
and torments,
that tests
and tortures
its creation,
there is no room
on this humble
clump of dirt
for your faith.

if judgement
is at the core
of your belief,
then that belief
is no longer
suitable for
consumption
by the masses.

if you believe
murder is
justifiable
under the laws
of your burnt out
religion,
there is
no more
room
for you.

if the authority
of your creator
gives you the
right
to bully people
for their
harmless
way of life,
you are
no longer
needed.

either change
your ways
or the way
will change
without
you.

there is
no other
god
than the god
that worships
itself.

nobody someday

the move
churns us along
in a bitter pull
against the sun
as we spiral
through space
heading
nowhere
right now.

the bend
tracks us through
the lives we're
living
burning up slowly
as the light
eats us away
piece by piece
and we don't seem
to notice.

the theology
rots our minds
to anything other
than the
bias
of unforgiving,
unrelenting
deities
who weigh on us
until we glance
eternity
through the eye
of a needle,
and some never
bother
to look.

the death
is staring us
in the face,
but we would rather
get high on our own
reflections
than to gaze
at the outcome,
so we play make believe
until we're too far
gone
and there's no way back
but down in the
dirt.

Monday, February 23, 2015

drink the absolution

how do you
tell someone
that they look
like they're
dying?

the years
of alcohol abuse
has taken its toll,
and if you don't quit,
your liquid diet
is going to take that last
bit of spark you have left.

i'm not one
to judge.
i have my addictions,
my vices.
i'm no angel.
but i try to keep
a happy medium
between
life and death,
not trying to go
too far in either direction.

so maybe you're hungry
for something.
there's a piece missing,
and you're trying to find
it,
but drinking it down isn't
going to bring you any closer
to finding an answer.

i guess i could say
all sorts of shit
that you've already heard.
i could tell you
about the beautiful people
in your life who love you.
i could mention your children
and your lover.
i could talk about
responsibility.
but i'm sure you've already
heard anything
i could come up with.

so i'll just say
that maybe you're
looking too far inward.
what you're hungry for
isn't on the inside.
what you really want
is all around you,
but maybe you're afraid
of reaching out.
maybe the booze
blinds you in the same way
life has blindsided you,
and it's kinda hazy where
you're at.

and if you stop now,
it's going to make you sick.
you're going to feel worse
than you have ever felt before.

but like everything else,
it's only temporary.

then again,
maybe you're one of those
people
who need to be at the very
bottom
before you realize that there
is a way up,
a way out.

whatever the case,
it's your soul.
do with it what you will.

just make certain
you're ready to take that
final step,
whatever direction
you decide to go.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

supple Mind

the Mind is
     SILLY.

bad things
             come in
and
bad things
               go out.

the way it is
is
constant,
and no remedy
seems to be had.

it produces like poison.
it tells you
all of your faults.
it makes you
tumble
when there is no
hill to trip you up.
it finds the one thing
that hurts you most
and replays that thought
until you succumb.

but when you step
to the side of the
rambling thoughts,
you are the only one
remaining.
there is no pressure,
no hurt,
no doubt,
and no poison.

if others spoke
to you
in the way
your
        Mind
speaks to you,
you would let them go.

disconnect from
the bad thoughts
and hear what you
really
          believe.

it is simple to do.
just shut up.

be curious.

listen to the wind.
it might just blow you away.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Life:

Weight.

Passion.

Empathy.

Heart.

Infusion.

Purity.

Simplicity.

Wholeness.



Substance

You can postulate
about miracles,
or no miracles,
and it makes no difference
at all.
Whether you're Atheist,
or
Theist:
it has nothing to do
with anything.
You can show
how convicted in Faith
you are,
and nothing comes of it.
You can show a limited
understanding of  Science
that points
to random events
accidentally coming
together to form life
and it still has no bearing
on fact or fiction.
it's all just what we know at the moment.
We are so young in our
research,
so juvenile in our
understanding on how
the cosmos
works
that we can't
point
one way or another
at the existence
of some godlike
energy,
or some type of
random occurrence
that brought existence together.
The fact is
that there is a lot of Science
pointing in the direction
of some type of clockwork
energy
keeping the universe in flow.
There are theories of alternate
Dimensions, concepts of space time
that blow away everything
that we have ever concluded
on the subjects of reality
and our place in that reality.
We are children
playing with fire
waiting for something to ignite.
But right now,
we are merely wondering.
So argue until you're
blue in the face
and you're still
debating
the sound of
one hand clapping.
And now
I'm going to take a shit
because at least
it has some type of substance.

 

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Some little thing on God.

Heaven
is empty.

There's no one watching
you and me,
no one seeing
what we do.

The throne is empty.

There was never a throne
to begin with.

That's why
we have to watch out for
one another.

Our ignorance is our own.

There is no judgment
beyond
what we judge ourselves.

You can rattle your hands
along the Pearly Gates
and no one will answer.

You can scream for justice,
but there is no justice
to be had.

We're it,
you and me.

We're everything.

And it's up to us
to be the good
we want to see
in the world.

We fight
for our lowly souls.
We fight
for a greater tomorrow.
We fight
because we are the only
way
to win.

So blame it on Jesus.

Blame it on the Devil.

It makes no difference
unless we first
blame ourselves.

Be the messenger.


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

brick red

i believe you're only allowed
a certain amount of shit
until you can't take any more.
at that point,
you begin to say fuck off
to everything that comes your
way.

some take more shit than others
for they haven't reached their
full capacity of bullshit received.

as for the rest of us,
well, we took far more than
our fair
share early on
and there just isn't
any more room left.
no matter how much we try,
we just can't stomach
even a fleck.

if i had a brick for
every time
i have said
fuck off,
i would have enough to
throw at every
self righteous,
pretentious,
greedy,
close minded
motherfucker
ever born to
this hunk of dirt
we call home.

but then i'd be
all out of bricks.

Give the Girl a Rose

All this time
and your eyes
still fly
through my mind
like the wind
catching sparks
in the dark.

Above all of this,
you knew
what this would do
to me.

I can still see you
when I close my eyes.
Who I am becomes
an afterthought.
Who I could be
is nothing more
than a dream.
No matter
how hard
I scream,
I can't seem
to wake
from this.

And there you are
reflecting in the dark,
fucking my heart
a little harder
until I lose my breath.

As I'm gasping,
you're smiling.
It seems you
enjoy me most
when I'm dying.

But I have to
thank you
because I
realized
that love is
rarely equal.
It is something
given,
something taken,
something that is
evil and broken,
rarely mended.
It is accepted in
sickness and
driven
until the road
washes away
and you're left
falling
in love
all over again.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

it's the end times, goddamn it!

we're living in violent times.

no.
all times have been violent.
we've never known
a time
without harm. it's as if
we don't even know
what peace is.

but the kids today are so antisocial.

not really.
kids have always been antisocial.
it's how they cope with a time
not their own.
they learn how to deal with the world
in their own way, in
their own time.

there's such debauchery happening.
surely it is the end of times.

yeah,
because people never fucked before.
we've been fucking each other
since the first caveman found out
he had a dick.

you have to admit we're not good
to each other.

when have we been good to each other?
good only happens in small doses. too
much and we'll start getting used to it.
and wouldn't that be apocalyptic?

Friday, February 6, 2015

signs you're alive

i'm a little much
around the midsection.
my ears don't match up.
my back is crooked.
it's far too easy
for me
to let people go.
i'm hungry in
a very strange way
because it is not food
that i crave.
sometimes my anger
gets the best of me.
a lot of people make me sick.
i never have enough time.
i'm as romantic as a stone.
i cry under my breath
at my silly emotions.
i'm imperfect
                       and
          flawed.
there are people i have met
that i just can't get out of my head.
i was abused.
i was taken
                    for granted.
my stomach
                    is scarred
where life
                    ran me through.
i only have
           a couple of
heroes,
and they are long since gone.
i don't believe in
revenge.
i'm married to
my best friend.
my next best friend
has fur and a tail
and talks to me from the bathroom
sink
while i'm trying to evacuate.
i'm estranged from
most of my family
because they never
really felt like family
at all.
i sometimes cry
because the sky
is blue.
i wrestle with
why
people
    do
   the
      things
  they
       do.
i am flawed.
    i am imperfect.
        and that's how
   i know
i
   am
          alive.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Demand more. Want less.

Imagine
what we could
get done
if we put our
minds to it,
if we set aside
the simple bullshit
and focused
on a better standard
of living.

If we took all of
the career politicians
and bankers
and billionaires
and self help gurus
and lawyers,
and placed them on
their own little island
away from anything
that we hold dear -
think of what
we could accomplish.

If we stopped killing
for bibles and oil,
land and resources.
If we refrained from
unjustifiable judgment.

If we could stop
hurting
one another
for just a little while ...
where would we be?

If we didn't worry
about who other
people
loved,
or what they believed,
or how they put their pants
on
in the morning ...

If we only did
that which
excites us.

If we didn't
have to be
s h o c k i n g
to be
n o t i c e d ...

If we were
constructive.

If we didn't
have to worry
where the next meal
was going to come from.

If we didn't
have to worry
about the cost of
l i v i n g .

Then we could
find out
what hope
really looks like.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Let us be.

Let us work together
and get the bastards
out of office.

Let us turn off the media
and get our news from
other sources
where we have to investigate,
look a bit deeper
to find the truth
than rely
on what we are told.

Let us agree
that it doesn't matter
whether we are causing
environmental change
and be comforted in
the knowledge
that we are doing
very little
to help it
either way.

Let us make
civilization
an easier pill
to swallow
for the next generations
that come.

Let us focus on
education.

Let us give
equal opportunity
to everyone
no mater their
class, or
creed.

Let us finally
walk away from
greed
and selfishness.

Let us make it
easier
to exist
rather than
harder to live.

Let us create
universal healthcare
so everyone
can enjoy life.

Let us focus
on being better people
to show our children
what it is like
to be happy
so they don't have to
immerse themselves
in tiny screens
to get away
from reality.

Let us bring back
art and music.

Let us concentrate
on who we are
and where we are going
rather then who we were
and where we have been.

Let us end faith
for faith's sake.

Let us stop
the financial markets
from preying on
the poor
because of their poverty.

Let us do away
with want
and focus on need.

Let us stop
seeing ourselves
as something apart
from the world
we live in
and find a way
to realize
we are one life
driven to live
through all other
lives.

Let us be
resolute.

Let us be
honest.

Let us be
courageous.

Let us be
the beginning
of a new way
of living.

believe in the stars

I'm a devout Agnostic. 
I believe you don't have to believe. 
I believe you can believe if you so choose to believe. 
The reality is that no one has a fucking clue. 
We can argue 'is' and 'is not' 
until the end of time 
and not come any closer 
to an actual answer. 

So rather than debate the color of 'God's' underpants, 
why not focus on something we can do something about? 
Why not 
center our attention on poverty, 
hunger, 
the increasingly failing environment, 
useless governments, 
and humanity? 

Or we can just keep spinning our wheels 
for another century or so 
and hope 
someone comes up with 
something more than 
just a well constructed theory 
as to whether we should move forward
as a society, 

as a people, 
as a civilization. 

I guess it's all up to us, 
isn't it?