Sunday, August 31, 2014

religon

our morality is inherent

our fear is subjective

our suffering
is a dream wrapped neatly
within another dream

and this is why 
religon remains prosperous


what is left?

life and death
are impermanent
illusions
subject to the law
of change

the only constant
is adapting
to change
in a way that best
represents
progress of self
and all others
in the journey
of existence

then self goes away
and others remain
until both self and others
disappear into the constant
illusion
of impermanence

what is left?

no self
no others
no change

what is left?

Thursday, August 28, 2014

mysterious ways to lie

i was a kid when i realized
that adults were full of shit

they create these elaborate systems
just to fuck each other over

they bend the law to
make new laws
to bend into other laws

they will lie to you
and say it's in your
best interest

there are no magical answers
everything will eventually
succumb to the law
of change

what we know now will
shrivel up and become replaced
with fresh answers that die out like
their predecessors

we're constantly trying
to figure out the mysteries
of mankind
when mankind,
itself
is the true mystery

i'm still a kid
and it's comforting to know
that there aren't any secrets,
at least none worth knowing

Friday, August 22, 2014

Brutality, the police, and our position.

I've seen a lot of cop bashing lately for what is happening in Ferguson. Civil unrest, civil liberties, and racial profiling is a huge topic to undertake so I won't even begin. But what I would like to talk about is the police. In my experience, there are two types of people that become cops. On one side, there are those people who were bullied, or like to bully, and have this insatiable need to carry a gun in order to assert their dominance upon the world. Give them a reason, and they will shoot you down just for the opportunity to do so.

Then there are those who get into law enforcement to make a change. These types of people almost never get news coverage. They're trying to make America a safer place, trying to incite change at a positive level, and trying to bring communities together. You don't see them on the news because the viewers are more inclined to watch violence than some bleeding heart, feel good story.

A few months ago, I was heading to work in the middle of the night. I have a flexing work schedule where I sometimes need to be on the road at two in the morning. I was about to get on the freeway when I saw flashing lights behind me. I pulled over to the side of the road and heard the loudspeaker kick on, "Turn off the engine and put your hands on the top of the steering wheel." I promptly did so and saw an officer with his weapon drawn, approaching my car. When he saw my wide eyed stare, he lowered, and holstered his weapon. He asked me the normal questions, what was I doing out so late, where was I going, was this vehicle registered to me? Turns out that he thought I was someone else, but I wondered if this was the way all traffic stops happen in the middle of the night.

He kept asking me when he had pulled me over before. I replied that he had never pulled me over, that this was the first time I had ever seen him. He argued with me until I finally said, "Listen, Officer, I have lived in California for fourteen years and I've only been pulled over three times. One time was down the street from work when a cop thought my window tint was too dark (turns out it wasn't). The second time was when I was in my pickup for having a trailer hitch obstructing my license plate. And this is the third time. So I'm pretty sure I've never seen you before."

The strange part was that he refused to look at my driver's license or insurance card. I figured the traffic stop was just some alpha male bullshit he needed to pull off because of obvious endowment issues.

So my experience with the police in southern California hasn't been all that positive, but when I lived in the Midwest, I never had an issue with law enforcement. In fact, an average traffic stop in the country would end up in a conversation about the best fishing spots, or what kind of engine I had under the hood of my 1971 Jeepster.

Now I totally understand that in higher populated areas there is a greater chance for a cop to pull over a complete asshole who wants nothing more than to assert his alpha male dominance. I'm aware that there are criminals everywhere, so I am also prone to letting go of an adverse encounter with a cop.

So when there are a couple dozen incidents involving police brutality in a country with over three hundred million civilians, I'm prone to believe that not all police officers are bad. I'm prone to believe that a couple dozen police officers should be removed from the force. I'm prone to believe that the average American is turned on by violence and upheaval so they tend to center on the few incidents that are actually reported. That's not to say that there isn't a problem in law enforcement. Every organization has the ability to become corrupted when ego and greed become involved. So I believe what we're doing is the appropriate approach to the situation. When cops break the law, civilians must stand up and protest the injustice. Officers need to be removed from their positions, and peace can then be restored. Speak up against the injustice, but be aware that not every case of police brutality is a case of an officer being brutal.

Now for the cops who decide it is necessary to beat the shit out of someone who has their hands behind their back while face down on the ground ...
                                                                       cameras are everywhere, and we're not afraid to record your                                                                        impression of a monkey.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

for those confined to small spaces

a sickness
an illness
depression is an addiction
lived through, torn through
abides only in and of itself
a pain
a sorrow
depression tears in and contorts
rearranges the abstract
and consumes
like a lover
with your best interests in mind
swooning the grave and a step away
at every moment of the day
until it lifts and leaves
and the feeling remains
like junk
a gentle kiss on the lips
as it returns
and burns back into
that failing state of mind
in time to the rhythm of your heart
from the very start
a need
as you bleed
the condition
that you feed
with the dark spaces
when you close your eyes
and everyone dies
a little when you are near
and you hear
the trumpets blaring fear
for another day
in no other way
than the life you lead
and how you bleed
from the deeper wounds
cut by the threads of existence
so you lift and rise
with the tides
of pain and regret
reeling from the thought
of another day this way
to lead you astray
and you hope you are brave
enough
to remain tough enough
to live a little bit more
but you're sore
from beating yourself up about it

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

depression

we talk so eloquently of depression
of how it's so easy to turn someone from
the edge,
but how many people out there can actually say
they have the answers?
how many of those would take the time
to listen?
and if you were to listen, would you understand
what is being said?

it's as easy as changing your life
or taking a pill
or parting the sea
and yet it will always remain
just behind the eyes
where darkness is forever

we have learned to turn away from the negative,
to pretend it isn't there because it's not
happening to us

we switch off our feelings
so easily, but those who feel can't so easily turn
those emotions away

we live in a sensory world and some
simply choose not to recognize it

there are horrible things happening everywhere
and just because you refuse to look
doesn't mean they're any less terrible

and there are some who get caught up
and lost in that swirling mass of
smothering darkness
like diving into an ocean
rather than dipping in a toe
to test the water

and there's no life raft here

and salvation only comes
with how quickly you can drown

Monday, August 11, 2014

Robin Williams

Robin Williams died today, and i cried.
He died of an apparent suicide, but that's not why i cried.
i cried because the world lost someone special, and it doesn't
matter how it happened.
We don't need another poster child for suicide prevention.
It was his life. It was his right and only his right to do with that life
what he wished.
i'm sad because we lost a beautiful smile, and the beautiful mind
that went along with that smile.
But no matter how sad i am, it can't compare with what he must have
been going through to make that final decision.
Sometimes the biggest smiles hide the most painful secrets.
Some say that suicide is a selfish act, and they may be right, but what are we talking about
in life and death if we're not speaking of self?
Courage only holds out for so long.
Strength to endure dwindles.
So i can only hope Robin's tears touched the sun and will forever burn bright
for the rest of us to remember the smiles he put on our faces.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

always untitled

it hurts to watch the sunset
to feel the light drifting over placid skies
and wonder what the rest of them are doing tonight

it bleeds me simply when i think of them wandering
out there all alone as the sun parts over ocean blue
where nothing seems to live

within, wandering without
and their screams are supple and thick along the shore
where nothing seems to care

it grabs me in the strangest way when i think of them falling
short of an epiphany, sleeping under bridges with hair matted
to their heads like they're trying to sweat out the last of
whatever it was they once were

and there's a distant song playing in the water,
drowned trumpets and harps sobbing,
that makes me feel as if this is all there is for the reckless abandoned,
the hopeless and lost -
searching for a way out that will never appear
from the walls that close them in

a calm corner of Hell

my heart is dark
for the place we scatter
red rose petals
at the place
where innocence
is shot down
like crimes committed
in the anger of lust
and drawn intention
for those mistakes
made
in haste
she'll never love another again
she'll never fight
or lose
or win
ever again
and it's a shame
for the sparkle
has become lost in transient eyes
that forever stare at unpronounceable skies
and she's slack for the spark has seeped away
into a meaningless day
come apart in spite of good intentions
and past reflections
she's too far gone
to long
for lost love
traveling above
another mother crying
for another sister dying
for she was tired of trying
and what she once was
is now simply lying
on a bed of concrete
and rose
for where she fell
and all is not well
in this particular corner
of Hell

Sunday, August 3, 2014

endless empty compromise

some of me
is better than
none of me
for what i
believe
is unbelievably
stretched past
the imagination
of repression
and personal
representation
it tingles
at the base of the neck
where the spine connects
and the ink separates time
line by crooked line
in the vast reaches
of the future
where the heart
seems to rupture
of its own will
and the breath
remains still as
the feeling of ill
remains
and always will
until ...
some of me
is better than
none of me
and some day
i may see
the true
representation
of me
set free
from the dream
that settles
my fancy
and silences me
truly
forevermore ...
or so it seems

what you're feeding me

you escape me
from time to time
and i cannot see
what it is
you've done to me

if i was anything other
than me
i wouldn't be
nearly as free
as i believe me to be

in my glee
i try to see
through my need
and weed out the
the symptoms
in which i feed,
firmly planting the seed
of each of every deed
i have committed
to set myself free
from the unconscious stream
of my own self esteem
to deem
the cream
rising to the top of a dream
which never truly
represented me,
not fully

and maybe that's what i see in you,
something free and shrouded in truth
but what remains is gone and gripping
as we slide, gently tripping
through emotional needing,
ever demanding
a little something more
from our incessant feeding

so i can't look at your face anymore
i would rather soar
high above this
but i'm afraid of coming down
for fear i may drown
on the truth you're feeding me